Tag: Humor is Healthy

ANNOUNCEMENT! “We interrupt the series on Food Plans & Diets for some tongue-in-cheek humor that relates to health.”

Note: I am in the middle of reading the New Atkins for the New You as part of my series on Food Plans & Diets. But today in my email I found that my husband had forwarded the joke below. It seems so appropos to my series that I decided to post it for the week-end, especially since I am not finished reading the new Atkins book. ENJOY but don’t take it to HEART! Pun intended! I need to lighten up, both physically & mentally and this did the trick for me today.

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t
waste it on exercise.  Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up
your heart does not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend the
life of your car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a nap!

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled
wine; that means they take water out of the fruit, so you get even
more of goodness that way.  Beer is also made of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have one body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No
pain…good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A:  YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they are permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?!?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You
should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!
It is the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.

And  remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in
the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
“WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you!

Remember, this is humor, not good health advice!!! es