NOTE: I wrote this poem when I had my first signs of menopause in 1988. Notice I did not say symptoms, because menopause is NOT a disease, as the chart below seems to demonstrate. I was angry because I thought my vegetarian lifestyle would protect me. I was wrong, although I must say that my older sister suffered more than I did with her cigarette smoking, overly thin body & heavy use of coffee. This poem is bawdy, like the very late Joan Rivers, and somewhat of a rant, like Meryl Streep’s comments in Women’s Voices for Change, which I posted a few days ago.
Caution: If you are offended by four letter words, please do not read this rhyme. Just delete it and go about your day. But if you are not offended, I hope you will find it funny and maybe even helpful.
First Iâm hot; then Iâm cold.
Just a hot flash, or so Iâm told.
My energyâs peaking; Iâm exhausted & half-dead;
forget the f****ing; Iâm tired, letâs go to bed.
I should be erotically grateful, I suppose;
without the condoms, sex wonât feel like a rubber hose.
Free at last to screw at willâ¦..
or maybe I might try Bernie or Bill.
Oh, s**t! I forgot all about AIDS;
Just my luck; now no one gets laid!
Thirty-six years Iâve been on the rag;
my menses is going, but now my breasts sag.
Iâve lost the cramps, the headaches and the rest.
Is menopause my tradeoff for PMS?
Not fair, I say, itâs a lousy trade.
If I were in charge, hereâs what Iâve had made:
Adam the woman and me the man.
The hell with penis envy—itâs my hormones I canât stand!
Oh me, Oh my, is there an end in sight?
If I meditate all day will I ever be right?
The saga continues, day in & day out;
someday Iâll be free, of this I have no doubt.
Just a phase in my lifeâ¦not a war or a cause.
Nothing is forever, not even menopause!
sometimes you just have to let it “all hang out,” it was real to you, and so you expressed your feelings
freely. There are some poems I’ve written, not necessarily for the faint of heart, but many of them
true and might alleviate others who think they are strange because they feel this way.
ES…..
As usual: terrific!!
big hugs, -sylvia
Clever poem and captures the positives and negatives
of menopause. Certainly not offensive. Rather, defensive!
Keep writing.
Coll
So glad you agree!!! ellensue