Note: I wrote this non-rhyming poem several years after my divorce. I found it this weekend in an old notebook and decided to post it on its own, since I am not sure where it belongs in my manual, which I will start to post as soon as I sort through a few more files. But this one, written in two parts, seems important enough to post now. Healing takes a long time, but it comes.. I promise!
Healing Homework: I Still Remember
Sunlight was pouring through our kitchen window
Yet darkness poured over me like an endless night.
I struggled with the words, as my husband sat opposite me, cross-armed.
The words I uttered in earnest fell on impatient ears, already closed to love.
Our marriage was in shreds, and like Humpty-Dumpty, I couldn put it back together again.
I babbled on & on, digging a deeper hole, falling into complete darkness.
Defeated, I walked away from the table, wounded by his contempt,
As if a knife was embedded so deep in my heart I could not pull it out.
I left it there, the virtual bleeding starting on the kitchen floor,
Dripping blood on every step as I retreated up the stairs.
I still remember the pain, and in remembering,
I cannot recall the love he once professed again & again.
But now I have tucked away the pain to an obscure corner of my heart,
And when the sun pours through my living room window, the darkness has disappeared.
My heart has mended, yes, with scars, but only slightly visible,
Perhaps even stronger than before.
So if I ever fall in love again, my heart may break, but I know it will mend,
Because, then, the pain of that loss was larger than me,
And now, while I still remember, I am much larger than the pain.
P.S. When I was in the throes of distress, I often found a “sad song” was needed to reflect my mood. I wish Lonely Motel was written then, but it is a brand new song written & sung by Jay Jacobson, my son-by-marriage, and you can hear it if you go to www.jayjacobson.com and click on the photo of Jay near a window with shadows and the title Lonely Motel. Even if you are not a fan of country, I think you will love this single. When you go to the site, the first thing you will hear is the title from his newesy CD Get Ready. But just click on Lonely Motel and you will hear an excerpt.