I wish I had this book when I was navigating the dating scene after 30 years of marriage, which ended in a painful divorce.Â Monica Morris, PhD would have been a big help! But for those of you who find yourself newly single, whether it is due to divorce, or if you are widowed, as the author Dr. Morris was after 40 years of a self-described good marriage, this is a must-read guide.
As the author notes in the preface: â€œHuman beings thrive on love.â€ Of course, I had convinced myself that love of family and friends would be enough if I could not find a mate. After 13 years of being single, I had just about convinced myself that there were worse things than being single. And there were, but that was my â€œexcuseâ€ for not finding a mate.
This book will help you search for a new partnerâ€”if that is what you are seeking. The subtitle, â€œThe Mature Womanâ€™s Guide to Finding Romantic Fulfillment,â€ further defines the topics covered in the book. After explaining her own personal single situation, the author (who is a sociologist) launches into the various aspects of being single after a long relationship and gently guides us through our options.
The book is laced with ideas and guidelines, but the most important aspect, I think, is that Dr. Morris emphasizes confidence as the key to finding love again. Her list on page 2 sets the tone, noting that the confidence to be brave comes with the following:
- having reasonable expectations
- understanding the situation
- understanding yourself
- knowing you have done the best with what you have
- knowing you are prepared
- getting involved in the world
- having something to say for yourself
- knowing that what you want is â€œnormalâ€
- knowing you can look after yourself
Using herself as the guinea pig, Dr. Morris conducted research by dating many, many men and researching the whole world of what I call â€œsingledom.â€ The chapters cover topics such as: personal ads and dating services, enriching your life while looking, to sleep with your date or not, and alternatives to romantic love.
I like the authorâ€™s no-nonsense approach to the idea of finding love as an older person. I was 65 when I met my second husband, and the road was bumpy because this book had not yet been written. Since I experienced much of what the author describes, it has an authentic ring for me and I think it will for you, as well. Her background in sociology provides added value to the research, especially the stories included of other women seeking mates. The book, in general, has a strong ring of validity.
The only area Dr. Morris did not cover was that of women who find themselves attracted to other women later in life.Â I think this topic would be a great one for the authorâ€™s next book.
Falling in Love Again is published by Square One Publishers and sells for $14.95. Look for it in your favorite bookstore or from Amazon online (Click on link below.).
Also available from Noble.com and borders.com.
Trivia Note: When I first saw the topic, the title was so familiar. My (second) husband reminded me that it is from a song with the same title and the song was sung by Marlene Dietrich in 1929. Dietrich landed the breakthrough role of Lola-Lola, a cabaret singer who causes the downfall of a hitherto respected schoolmaster.