Archive for the ‘Articles on Divorce/Marriage’ Category

Divorce Tactics

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Note: This was sent to me by a reader and I am passing it along as information that might be helpful to you. The flowers are from our visit to Butchart Gardens in Victoria, BC.

Financial Tips in Moving Forward After Divorce by Cory Aidenman* (Be sure to go to the bottom for Cory’s FREE Divorce Kit link.

With your new position in life, as a divorcee, you are going to find out that financial matters are now in your hands. Perhaps you’ll find yourself needing to wheel and deal as your ex once did with his or her income, and when he or she was in charge of paying the bills and not you, resolving financial issues and perhaps, making financial investment decisions to benefit the future. Taking control of your financial future  is a critical aspect of your new life path.

Being single does not necessarily mean that you have to be down on your luck with the finances. This should be another goal to put into place: to become financially secure in the future. Having a job doesn’t not mean that you are financially secure, but saving a little something for yourself from the income is security. Make a financial budget plan and stick with it, putting a little money aside for safe keeping and the future. I was always amazed at how independent, strong women of yesterday, back in the earlier part of the 20th Century, how they went about stuffing their extra money into cookie jars, or 20 dollar bills hidden in obscure places that they had saved up, and no one knew of this financial secret except she herself. She was making sure she wasn’t broke if and when an emergency came about, or if her husband suddenly left her. She was prepared.

This is the attitude you should have when it comes to you and your money. After all, if you have children, they are always needing and wanting something that only money can buy. But again, since you are the head of the family finances, you will have to realize that you will have to spend wisely if you don’t want to be single and broke. I remember my uncle telling me a long time ago, right after high school and when I had got my first real job, he said, “You worked hard all week for that money, now pay yourself.” He wanted me to pay myself out of my own paycheck, with the leftovers going into savings.

Surprisingly, over a period of time, those little paychecks way back then, created a little something, allowing me to purchase my first car with the money I was saving. That was good advice, and now I pass it along to you. Always save for a rainy day, because you never know what is going to happen in life. Just Tom Hanks said in the Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” Always be prepared. No one can take care of your future but you. No one can attain your goals but you.

*About the Author

Cory Aidenman has been married three times and divorced twice.  After a disastrous first divorce, she discovered many divorce tactics that led to a ‘Successful Divorce’.  Click on the link for a free $97 Divorce Survival Kit:
http://DivorcingSurvival.com/ -  Survive Divorce Free Report. I just did!


New York Times Article: "Gray" Divorce

Monday, June 28th, 2010

My daughter-in-law Maura alerted me to an excellent article in the New York Times on late life divorce (“It’s Not Always About You”), written after Tipper and Al Gore announced their separation/divorce.  This was followed by a spate of letters to the editor. Here are some excerpts, but I recommend you Google The New York Times and search for Late Life Divorce or Al & Kipper Gore for more. The article refers to another article called “At Long Last, Divorce” from www/pewresearch.org/pubs/1617/long-duration-marriage-end-divorce-gore. I highly recommend reading these articles if you are a “gray” divorcee, as I was at 55, after 30 years of marriage, plus 2 years of divorce wars.


This is from the article “At Long Last, Divorce”:

What these overall statistics don’t say is that the risk of divorce is not the same for all groups. Adults with a high school education or less are more likely to divorce than are college-educated adults. People who marry young are more likely to divorce than those who marry at older ages. There also is some early evidence that couples who married in the 1970s may be especially at risk of divorce. According to data from the 2004 SIPP, the share of marriages that ended before their 15th anniversaries (mainly because of divorce, but also in a small number of cases because of widowhood) was lowest for marriages made in the 1950s, followed by those made in the 1960s and then those made in the 1980s. Marriages made in the 1970s were slightly less likely to reach their 15th anniversary than those begun in the 1980s.

This from Betsey Stevenson of Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia, PA in the June 4th New York Times article:

While divorcing after decades of marriage is less common than divorcing early in marriage, it isn’t rare.
The big cost of a divorce is more likely to be worth it if there remain many more years to enjoy the payoff.
Analyzing recent Census Bureau data, I found that among recent divorces, 8 percent involved couples who had married 30 to 50 years earlier. Compared with the rest of the married population, these couples divorce at one-quarter the rate of those who have been married for fewer years. Who are these silver-haired divorcees? Not surprisingly, they are in their late 50s or early 60s, reflecting the fact that this generation married in their early 20s. Moreover, improvements in health and longevity mean that they still have plenty of life left to live.  As an economist, I suspect that this is an important factor driving “gray divorce.” Economists think about the world in terms of costs and benefits, and the big cost of a divorce is more likely to be worth it, if there remain many more years to enjoy the payoff.


Finally, here are a couple of letters to the editor:

msd nj June 4th, 2010: As long as women are economically secure, divorce may work to their benefit. They are more likely to have a social support system in place and won’t have to be a “nurse and a purse” to their aging ex-husbands (or anyone else) if they don’t want to. They can travel, explore their interests and most importantly, their time is their own. For women, that’s huge.

paracielo saint paul June 4th, 2010: It is true that people keep changing as they age, and that once shared interests can become obsolete. It is also true that a shared family and friends can do much to hold together the bond. It is possible to develop new shared interests if people are willing to be flexible and open minded. One should never take a marriage for granted, it needs work every day. Marriage can help keep a person from becoming self obsessed and narrow. There is nothing better than living with your best friend, even if sex is long out of the picture.


If you have a friend or family member going through a difficult divorce, whatever his/her age, send beautiful  flowers to look at !!!

 

P.S. I am going on vacation for 2 weeks, and I have post-dated some articles on www.menupause.info, so please check out my other website for recipes and other articles.