(Paul and Carol cutting their “renewal” wedding cake.—simple and perfect!)

At the end of June, our family joined my brother Paul and his wife Carol for their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. And what a celebration! Paul and Carol had a video slide show, a musical combo, and delicious food. Most important was the renewal of their vows. It was a delightful week-end, and is a perfect follow-up to Love Stories of Later Life by Amanda Smith Barusch, which I reviewed in June. (You can click on June 2008 in the right hand margin to read the review.)

Below is one of the snapshots on the video slide show at the celebration. This one is of Carol on her wedding day in June 1958, surrounded by her maid of honor Gloria (top left), our mutual friend Phyllis on the right (Sadly, she died just weeks before the event.), and me at age 20 (lower left). Were we ever this young???

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I was so moved by the renewal ceremony under the wedding canopy and a song by my younger brother Harry that as I started to cry, I had to write a poem to capture the event. Here it is below:

The Golden 5-0
A Real Time Rhyme by ellensue
Saturday, June 21, 2008 @ 7 pm

Fifty years, the time did fly;
We sat and watched your lives go by.
So lucky am I to be a part of you both;
As Paul’s sister & Carol’s friend, I watched you betroth.
Your lives are full, busy, & joyfully warm
Under the chuppah,* you renewed your vows, we were part of the swarm
Of family & friends who came from near & far
To experience this simcha,* each of you a star.
Tallit*-clad, joined at the heart, as husband & wife.
Fifty years, Oh! My! What a wonderful LIFE!

*chuppah-wedding canopy *simcha-happiness, *talit-prayer shawl

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The night before the event, we had dinner at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. Paul and Carol’s three children presented this artistic rendering of a ketubah* to their parents as their anniversary present. Paul and Carol placed it over the fireplace of their living room for everyone to admire and enjoy. It was the perfect gift!

*A ketubah (document in Hebrew), which is actually a Jewish prenuptial agreement that is considered an integral part of a traditional Jewish marriage. It states that the husband commits to provide food, clothing and marital relations to his wife, and that he will pay a specified sum of money if he divorces her. If he dies, leaving her a widow, the ketubah amount is the first charge on his estate. (Source: Wikipedia)

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My husband Alan & I dancing to the music of the combo.

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And a good time was had by all…..

Alan & I at our wedding, second time around, Oct. 9, 2004.

I was 65 and had just about given up on finding a mate after 13 years as a divorcee, deciding there were worst things than not being married. And then I met Alan through an ad in The Jewish Exponent, a publication that covered the greater Philadelphia area. I lived three hours west, so I was definitely out of the loop, a GUPPIE (my word for a Geographically Undesirable Person).

With my first call back after he left me a message, I got his voicemail, which said, “Leave your name and number, and If I like you, I’ll call you back.” I thought, “Well, he has a good sense of humor.” (Score one for Alan) Then, when I actually spoke to Alan the first time and he found out where I lived, he almost decided not to meet me. I boldly said, “But what if I’m THE ONE and you didn’t meet me?”

But meet we did in Philadelphia, because my friend Susan had to go for business and took me with her. Our first date was terrific, one of the best first dates I ever had in 13 years. We just clicked. He had never dated a vegetarian and asked if I minded if he ate meat at dinner. (Score 2 for Alan.)

At the end of the evening, we sat and talked for hours. The next day, with Susan’s encouragement, I called him at work, after I learned Susan was planning lunch with her brother-in-law after her meeting. Alan agreed to meet, but told me that after lunch he had to visit his 96 year-old mother, something he did every day. (Score 3). We sat alone, because there were no tables for four. Better for us, so we could talk more. After lunch, when Alan left for the hospital, he said he would call. Right! In my dreams….

The next day, back in State College, I knew I was smitten. I prayed he actually would call on Valentine’s Day, which was the next day, and he did! We made another date, and the rest, as they say, is history. Or maybe mystery! I moved to Philadelphia a few months later; we were engaged about six months later, and married one year later.

Our marriage is a daily challenge of understanding that you have lived almost your entire life in another world with another “first mate.” (Alan was married for 43 years and was a widower, while i had been married 30 years.) But my feelings for Alan are very strong and eclipse the differences, at least most of the time. And I feel young in my heart, even if my mirror tells me otherwise. Love can do wonders!

We all grow older, but growing old is optional. I suggest you read my review of Amanda Busch’s research on later love in Reviews and see for yourself that Love is Love is Love, at any age. (Another good book is Fountain of Age by Betty Friedan, a book about other choices for older adults.) And like the song says, “Love’s more comfortable the second time around…..”

Alan & I at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, TN last month.

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Switch by Ellen Sue

I love his face; he loves my mind.
What a switch! What a find!

I, a past prime feminist; he, a little older.
When he was shy, I became bolder!

I love his smile; he loves my words.
He eats steak; I dine on bean curds.

Falling in love was oh, so easy,
Despite my stomach’s feeling queasy.

I love is hands; he loves my skin—
Not a perfect match, yet two hearts akin.

We made it happen; kept it light.
Now, in his arms, I sleep each night.

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